Christmas is coming, “the most wonderful time of the year”. And yet, when I talk to people I often hear: “I hate Christmas”, “I am so stressed out”, “I cannot wait for it to be over”!
I usually ask why? What it is that you “hate” about Christmas. The answers are very similar: busyness, pressure, commercialization, sad memories, getting together with the family members that are not always pleasant or welcomed, the darkness, traffic, money spending…
Well, we cannot do anything about the darkness or traffic (unfortunately). We have, however, some influence on other things.
One of my clients told me recently: “I don’t believe in stress anymore. It’s just an imagination of my mind”.
So, what is stress? One of the many definitions of stress says:
In psychology, stress is a feeling of strain and pressure. Stress can be external and related to the environment, but may also be caused by internal perceptions that cause an individual to experience anxiety or other negative emotions surrounding a situation, such as pressure, discomfort, etc.which they then deem stressful.
Why is it that we decide to “deem stressful” some situations or events? We usually respond to stimuli in a specific way based on past experiences.
When you were a kid, you probably waited for Christmas in great anticipation. You dreamed about Santa and about what he would bring you, you looked forward to your favourite dish, you couldn’t wait for your dearest uncle or cousin to arrive.
But then something happened. Something very dramatic, like death, divorce, accident. Or, just life: you didn’t get what you wanted from Santa, mom got sick and didn’t have the energy for Christmas celebrations, the cousin didn’t come anymore… and you started connecting Christmas with sadness and disappointment. And those feelings of sadness and disappointment come back to you every year when Christmas is approaching. You re-live your horrible Christmas from many years ago over and over again like it is all happening right now, this very moment.
If it doesn’t make sense to you, don’t worry. You might not even know what is happening to you. You learned to cover your feelings of sadness, fear, and disappointment with your busyness, your over-shopping, over-doing, over-partying, over-stressing about every task you encounter. It’s been your perfect “coping mechanism”, something that might have worked well in the past but it doesn’t now.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ANYMORE!
When you get overwhelmed, stressed out, or sad stop for a moment and breathe. Focus on your feelings, not on your reactions. Try to understand what is going on for you inside, what are you trying to escape. Then look around and think: is it really what is happening right now? Why am I reacting so strongly? What is it all about?
Focus on the present moment, not on the past. BREATHE and stay with your feelings. You might discover that you are OK, that nothing horrible is happening right now, that there is no reason to be stressed, no reason to “deem the situation stressful”.
It is just another busy day of shopping, cooking, getting things organized. And you got it! You can do it just like you normally do every single day. It is only Christmas. Nothing else.
By Eva Sadowski Photo by Jason Lam from Pexels
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