“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz – the 2nd agreement.
This is really a very difficult rule to accept. Everything in life affects us directly, doesn’t it? Or at least we think so. Even the rain rains sometimes just to add misery to our already miserable day! Someone didn’t say hello this morning: of course they hate us. Somebody paid us a compliment: of course they admire us or want something from us in return. Someone was mean, rude, nice, flattering: it is all about us and what they think about us. Or, is it? What if anything that happens in life has nothing to do with you personally?
Everybody in this world lives in own reality, sometimes quite different from ours. They look at us, and they see only what they want to see or what they thought about us. It has nothing to do with whom we really are. Somebody is nice, because you just fulfilled their expectations of how a person like you should or would behave. Someone is rude, because the expectation was different from what you just did. Somebody yelled at you, because they were upset with their boss. Somebody was mean, because you reminded them a person they have disliked all their lives.
Once you understand that rule, you will be a free person: you will never again do anything to get approval from others. You will not have to be concerned with others’ opinion about you, because it has nothing to do with you anyway. It is their personal perception of the world. They are the main character in that world and if anybody does or says anything that doesn’t agree with their vision, they get upset and defend their point of view. You are the main character in your world. In your world everything is about you of course and you are always right. That’s why other may upset you or make you feel good, depending on what they say or do.
If you think about the reasons behind your own reactions and behaviours you must see that they usually have nothing to do with the receiver. The receiver just happens to be there when you have a reaction: you get upset at someone and here it comes, they get it! Or, you are having a really good moment and are nice to someone that happens to be close by. It really has nothing to do with them. It is only your expression of how you feel or what you believe in at the moment. Just the same, what somebody says or does to you has nothing to do with YOU, it’s all about THEM.
So, why should you be concerned about somebody else’s opinion? It’s not about you anyway. It’s about their own perception of the world in that instant, and their own reaction to it. Do not sweat this stuff. It’s not worth your thoughts.
By Eva Sadowski
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