I have learned very early in life that the correct answer to the question “how are you doing” was “busy”. If I said otherwise I might have been assigned a task to keep me occupied and useful. Being busy has always been good, being bored, or just playing – not so much. Being not busy meant being lazy. And lazy wasn’t something I would like to be associated with; it was the most horrible thing, shameful, definitely uncalled for.
Things haven’t changed much with age. Being busy has always been desirable. Being busy is good; it means you are valuable, needed, you contribute to the society, you are useful. The busier the better. If you add to it being stressed out, you are almost a hero. You are an example, a somebody to look up to, to aspire to.
I recently spoke to someone who decided to change his life, stop the craziness of “keeping busy” and dedicate his time to things he really liked and enjoyed. He quit his full-time job and started doing things he has always dreamed of and had never had time to try. It didn’t take long for him to discover an overwhelming feeling of guilt creeping in. The guilt of “being lazy” and not doing enough. He found himself inventing some projects and setting the deadlines for himself to justify his existence to others. He started avoiding social gathering and meeting friends who would ask him: “so, what do you do during a day”. He wasn’t “busy”, so it meant he wasn’t good enough.
I remembered my own feelings of guilt and uselessness when I retired from my full-time job and started sharing my time between a part-time practice and play. It took a very long time for me to realise that there was nothing wrong with me sleeping in and forgetting the days of the week. It took a very long time to say openly: I didn’t do much today, I enjoyed walking in nature and talking to my friend. It was a great day!
If there is anything wrong with this picture, it is the way we think of ourselves. We define ourselves by what we do, not by who we are. We measure our worth with the length of a “to do list”. We wear our busyness as a badge of honour. We are proud of being tired, stressed out. The first question we ask a newly met person is “what do you do for living?”. We don’t ask “what do you believe in?”, “what do you enjoy the most?”. Too bad! It would have been a fascinating conversation. Much more interesting than a usual small talk.
We don’t teach our children how to play, relax and enjoy life. We keep them busy and “out of trouble” with never-ending activities. Even a play time is scheduled and put into a calendar. It is called “being organised”. I would rather call it “being crazy”.
I know, people have to work and pay the bills: there is no way around it. However, it is a matter of choice how many bills you want to accumulate and what is more important for you: the size of your house, the number of cars, the vacation abroad, or the pure enjoyment of “being lazy”.
Whatever you chose to do, don’t feel guilty. Nobody cares, anyway. Everybody is “busy” being useful and getting stressed out driving their kids around to keep them out of trouble. Whatever you chose to do, it is your choice and you will have to live with it. Make sure it is indeed your choice, not the one driven by what you ought to do, or what is more socially acceptable. Get your priorities straight and then decide what do you like the most: “being busy” or “being lazy”.
By Eva Sadowski
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