The latest “Psychology Today” magazine published an interesting article about a “Becoming a man” project in Chicago that deals with youth violence. The program is unique and very successful. In fact, the most successful of all the programs of this kind in the US.
The idea of the program is very simple. It doesn’t focus on any specific behaviours, it doesn’t distinguish any behaviours as good or bad. It doesn’t promote compliance or instructs the students to obey teachers, or completely change their response to violence. It simply focusses on teaching the young man deliberate thinking. In other words, it encourages them to think before they automatically react to any situation.
This alone reduces the crime rate, the street violence, the senseless accidental death rate, the imprisonment of adolescent men. Even more, by simply reducing the automatic response to life situation the young men can see a different future for themselves. They engage in different social activities, more often finish a high school and even, some of them, pursue a college education.
Isn’t it amazing? One little advice: “stop and think before you act”, can change the entire life.
I couldn’t help to wonder what would happen with the world if every single child in every single country would get the same simple lesson: “do not act automatically; before you act, stop and breathe for a moment”.
Automatic acting is great in many cases. It allows us to learn skills: drive a car, ski, do other sports, achieve amazing things without constant thinking about what to do next, what hand to use, how to position the body. I am sure that this ability alone helped us to survive over the ages; if there was a danger, we didn’t think too much, we run and left the thinking for the later time.
However, the same great ability gets us into trouble. Whenever we react automatically to somebody’s words, own emotions or thoughts, when we speak before taking a breath, strike out when provoked, blow up when feeling attacked, we may need to face the consequences we have never wanted to face.
The moment of stopping and taking a breath may change our reaction completely and, of course, bring different consequences. In the case of the young men in Chicago it often means the difference between death and life, or jail time and freedom. In many cases, it may save us from regrets or embarrassment or even ruined relationships.
Quite often it just means less stress and lighter energy. Try it sometimes when somebody cuts you off during your morning commute to work: take a breath and pause for a moment before you show them a finger or tell them where to go. You may be surprised how good it feels to know that you are in charge of your reaction, not the random person that walked into your way. You may be surprised how little it takes to change your life around. It may be just a one stop and one breath away.
By Eva Sadowski
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